Ties that Bind

As we live our lives, we unconsciously weave a beautiful web of experiences and memories. Other people and creatures pass through; some with no lasting effect - but a few carry wisps of our web into their own. Our life creations become forever entwined. These are the ties that bind us to friends that will always be special.

My web contains
...the little friend who lived across the street and played in my parents' home
...the high school buddies who bonded at the neighborhood bus stop, in the school library, a class, a rehearsal hall, or a sports field
...the first love who will always have a place in my heart
...the college compatriot I met while becoming the adult I am today
...the work colleague who helped me get my footing early in my career, and the one who teamed with me to accomplish daunting tasks
...the wise and wonderful person who was kind and supportive during a serious illness
...the cherished people who will always be family, regardless of events

My husband and family share the heart of my web. They, and others, have influenced the design of my life. They are part of who I am.

Sisters of the Heart

I am fortunate to have two sisters and one brother of the blood. In addition, I am blessed to have a good handful of "sisters of the heart". We know, love, and understand each other. We share fun, laughter, and tears. I could not do without their friendship and support. I am in awe of their talents, strengths, and resiliency.

These sisters of the heart are at an age where they have known unhappiness and pain, yet they rise from each blow stricken and continue to seek the joy in life. Each new day is welcomed with hope and faith. Every friend is greeted with affection and a smile. If help is needed, it is requested or provided, without self-conciousness. There is awesome strength in our combined love and experience.

We are beautiful to each other, and glow from the confidence that brings. Hearts are safely worn on sleeves. We are here for each other.

Many changes must be borne in our lives. Some things change - others begin. With the right support, we make the difficult and necessary transitions while seeking new happiness. Having sisters helps.

My sisters of the heart - you know who you are. I have your backs.  

Grown-Up Friends

It's interesting and rewarding to gain new friends when you are an older adult. There's an inherent difference between this experience and when I made friends as a child or teenager. I'm still trying to put my finger on exactly what it is...

As a child, you expected to have friends, and stumbled upon little buddies as a normal part of life. We would take our rubber ball out into the street to play kickball, a bunch of other little kids appeared, and you made friends. It just happened. You were drawn to certain other students at school, and all of a sudden you had "peeps" on the playground. I sang in chorus and made friends with others chorus nerds. It was easy. My college friends continue to hold treasured places in my hearts, because that's where we really grew up, together.

As young professionals, making new friends became a little more complicated. Yes, work yielded some new acquaintances and friends, because we spent so much time there. We had to start being more cognizant of romantic relationships among our peers - trying not to make anyone jealous, or sending out the wrong signals. We became more transient, relocating because of our careers, leaving friends behind (geographically), and building a new life. Once committed to a spouse, our world revolved around each other more than friends.

So many distractions are out of play now. It's simply a lovely surprise to make friends when you are middle-aged. It is, perhaps, the greatest unexpected joy we have discovered early in our retired life. In our 50's, we are not as competitive in our friendships. We don't worry about hanging out with the popular kids. My girlfriends laugh if we show up in the same golf outfit. It doesn't matter if we conform with anyone else's idea of how we should look, or who we should be. It's pretty cool that people like us for who we are. At this point, we're unlikely to change much.

The passage of time and the goodness of life colors our enjoyment of each other in a soft light. Occasionally we are faced with reminders of how fragile life can be. The laughter, smiles, hugs, play, jokes, and closeness follow us from day to day, comfortable knowing that we are part of something warm, and bigger than we are alone.

Thank you, Friends.

Our World is a Little Dimmer Today

This may not be the best day for me to write a blog celebrating retirement.  Yesterday my dear friend Tom Wingham passed away unexpectedly.  He was only in his forties.  When Tom missed two conference calls for work, his co-workers became concerned and contacted a friend to check on him.  She found him at home, dead in a chair, with his work laptop in front of him.

Tom Wingham was an extraordinary person.  He successfully blurred the line between work and his personal life and pleasures.  We all enjoyed his Facebook postings from business trips around the world.  With him, we toured London, Istanbul, Paris, Berlin, Amsterdam, Madrid, Singapore, and cities all over the U.S.  He adored his hometown of Los Angeles.  In person and in pictures, his smile was ever-present and infectious.

Tributes are pouring in from all over the world.  Tom made friends wherever he went.

A man with a ridiculously unabashed joie de vivre is gone.  His family has suffered a stunning loss.  Tom would never have left them by choice.

They don’t yet know what caused Tom’s untimely death.  We all saw that Tom was always on the go… flying from here to there (often on a red-eye), working into evenings, and having his weekends cut short by business obligations.  Some were envious of his glamorous life.  I know he enjoyed it – but he also wanted to be able to spend more time with his family and friends at home.  Obviously, none of us would choose to slip into the next world in the pale glow of a computer monitor while preparing for a conference call.

It’s been almost exactly four years since Ron and I quit our corporate jobs to live life differently; without conference calls and red eye flights.  Today we are fortunate to share our days with friends and family, enjoying the outdoors, healthy activities, eight hours of sleep a night, and home-cooked meals.  It was a conscious choice that we hope will prolong our lives.  We don’t know how much time we have, but we are going to do our best to make the most of this life.

Jeez, Tom… we already miss you.  As someone wrote on his Facebook page, “Our world is a little dimmer today.”

Feeling Grateful

I’m back in Chicago after a long and, thankfully, uneventful travel day yesterday. What with all the sitting and waiting, I had plenty of time to let my thoughts wander pleasantly. There is so much for which to be grateful…

We are fortunate to have two beautiful and interesting places to call home, when many are struggling to maintain a single residence. This is a temporary luxury in which I am reveling.

It warms my heart to have a friend and neighbor who allows us to invite ourselves over in the evening to visit (when I already have my pajamas on).

The grace and benevolence of my golfing buddies has not only led me to fall in love with the game, but also provided an environment in which my skills are improving. What fun it is to play with friends!

This city of broad shoulders and bright lights will provide me with one more exciting and sparkling Christmas season. I will enjoy every minute of it. Let it snow!

Our circle of friends has grown and our ties have strengthened over the past year. I hope you know how much you mean to us, and how much joy you add to our lives.

Prescott and Talking Rock Ranch have accepted us for who we are, and will shape who we become. It’s so exciting to explore this new chapter of our lives with such interesting friends and neighbors.

Our planning and decision-making have led us into a life we love. Luck and good fortune have graced us. I am so grateful. Thank you.  Enjoy this holiday season!

"Friends Everywhere"

Back in 1982, I was offered a new job and a transfer by Hilton. It required me to move from Chicago to Dallas. Although excited by the opportunity, I was hesitant to leave Chicago and all my friends. But I got great advice from my boss, Bob Wishon. The first nugget was to have a good reason if I turned it down, because I would eventually stop getting offers. The other was something like, “The great thing about moving around for the hotel business is that you end up with friends everywhere”. I took the leap and began a new adventure in Dallas.

Earlier this week, Ron and I started a long distance road trip. We headed south through Illinois, and made our first stop in our former home city of Memphis. There we met a group of good friends for Happy Hour, and enjoyed lots of hugs and laughter. That night, we were overnight guests at our good friend Dave’s home. I wish we could have stayed longer. But we were on the road again the next morning.

The next evening, we arrived in Dallas to visit our dear friends, the Gradidges. We’ve known them for twenty years. Although it’s been almost 16 years since we left Dallas, we have remained close friends who visit with each other several times each year. That night we had a lovely dinner together, and stayed as guests in their home.

Bob Wishon’s advice was right… I moved three times during my career with Hilton (Chicago to Dallas, Dallas to Las Vegas, Las Vegas to Memphis), and each time we met wonderful people who have continued to be good friends. We treasure every one of them.

Just a road trip footnote: We faced threatening weather driving from Dallas through Wichita Falls. Concerned, we tuned into the Weather Band on the car radio. The National Weather Service did not alleviate our concerns as they were forecasting rain, dangerous wind gusts, large damaging hail, tornadic winds, lightning, increased fire potential, and flying lawn furniture and trash cans. And we’re pretty sure we heard something about flying monkeys and “Auntie Em”. Fortunately we managed to skirt the storm and head safely for Albuquerque.

A Virtual Leap

Back in the middle of a brutal Chicago winter, I spent a good amount of time indoors and online for entertainment. Christy, one of my good friends from Memphis urged me to join Facebook to stay better connected with my friends spread far and wide. I was hesitant, but agreed to try it out.

Once I set up a profile for myself and started sending and receiving invitations, it was like being swept into a swift current of a river I hadn’t even known existed! Having moved four times since graduating college and joining the working world, I regretted losing track of some special friends. Suddenly, I was finding them and they were finding me through Facebook. Now I’m connected to 110 friends, which seems like a lot to me!

I’m delighted to have made FB connections with remote family members, some of whom with which we normally only exchanged Christmas cards. My younger sister, Althea, and I use the chat function to catch up with each other. Cousin Johnna posts photos of her girls Claire and Molly, and I plan to see them all (and finally meet their daddy) in Maine in September. I found Lauren Haropulos, a young cousin twice removed, that I did not know. She is a high school student in New York City. (I don’t understand a lot of what she posts, which is in texting lingo – but that’s cool.) Her school was the one in the news about the Swine Flu breakout, and her postings were interesting during that time. (Students at St Francis Prep were calling the school “Swine Prep”.)

I’m grateful to have reconnected with so many dear friends. Kathy, an elementary school friend, sent me an invitation (and sent me digging through boxes to find old class photos) – what a delightful surprise! Emily, a dear friend from Northwestern, is a treasure! Her humor and sweetness bring me a unique joy I had missed since we lost track of each other years ago. I hope to get to Seattle to see her in person. My lifelong friend, Debi and her partner Tim are building a new house in Maryland. She sent a link to a web site where I can see the progress on construction of their dream home. I get to see vacation photos from friends like Fernando & Michelle and Kevin & Jill that I might not otherwise have seen. There are so many more examples of the pleasure social networking has provided to me. It was well worth the virtual leap.

Is there a down side to this trend to online friendship? Not for me. Granted, I have “ignored” some friend requests from a few people who are only acquaintances or business associates, but not friends. (Sorry.) And I have friended a few people who post TMI, so I have hidden their posts. I have only unfriended one person, who shall remain nameless. It’s manageable.

So if you can’t get enough of your friends and family and/or have lost track of some good friends – try Facebook. It’s a perfect example of what’s really good about the internet.