Ties that Bind

As we live our lives, we unconsciously weave a beautiful web of experiences and memories. Other people and creatures pass through; some with no lasting effect - but a few carry wisps of our web into their own. Our life creations become forever entwined. These are the ties that bind us to friends that will always be special.

My web contains
...the little friend who lived across the street and played in my parents' home
...the high school buddies who bonded at the neighborhood bus stop, in the school library, a class, a rehearsal hall, or a sports field
...the first love who will always have a place in my heart
...the college compatriot I met while becoming the adult I am today
...the work colleague who helped me get my footing early in my career, and the one who teamed with me to accomplish daunting tasks
...the wise and wonderful person who was kind and supportive during a serious illness
...the cherished people who will always be family, regardless of events

My husband and family share the heart of my web. They, and others, have influenced the design of my life. They are part of who I am.

Sisters of the Heart

I am fortunate to have two sisters and one brother of the blood. In addition, I am blessed to have a good handful of "sisters of the heart". We know, love, and understand each other. We share fun, laughter, and tears. I could not do without their friendship and support. I am in awe of their talents, strengths, and resiliency.

These sisters of the heart are at an age where they have known unhappiness and pain, yet they rise from each blow stricken and continue to seek the joy in life. Each new day is welcomed with hope and faith. Every friend is greeted with affection and a smile. If help is needed, it is requested or provided, without self-conciousness. There is awesome strength in our combined love and experience.

We are beautiful to each other, and glow from the confidence that brings. Hearts are safely worn on sleeves. We are here for each other.

Many changes must be borne in our lives. Some things change - others begin. With the right support, we make the difficult and necessary transitions while seeking new happiness. Having sisters helps.

My sisters of the heart - you know who you are. I have your backs.  

This Dawn

Among the many blessings
     in my life
I am still an active
     Daughter, Sister, Wife

Well into middle age
     with no children to my name
These family ties that we still have
     lift us and sustain

For now, my home is full
     with Husband, Sister, Mom
Moments now - memories later
     prayers of thanks this dawn

Remembering Aurania

Forty-nine years ago today, a 25 year old woman died in a single car accident caused by icy roads in Billerica, Massachusetts, less than a mile from her home. She was my father's baby sister and my Aunt Aurania. I ran across her obituary this week, and did some unsuccessful hunting on the internet for records. I don't have enough information to identify her widowed husband, Frederick Patterson; with whom the family lost touch. There were no children. All of Aurania's immediate family have since passed on - her parents, Thomas and Irene, brother John (my father), and sister Katherin. They each suffered through her untimely accidental death that day decades ago. She shouldn't be forgotten.

"Baby" and her father

Aurania was the youngest of my grandparents children (by 9 years), and retained their nickname of  "Baby" into adulthood. When Dad enlisted for World War II, Aurania would have been (I think) just 3 years old.

Chicago of 1939 was Aurania's birthplace, but her parents relocated to Manchester, NH in the early 40's, and that's where she was raised. Aurania graduated from Notre Dame College in Manchester in 1961. In their alumni newsletter, they remembered her as "a smiling, cheerful person, whose philosophy of life was to try to bring happiness to others". A classmate's comments in the 1961 yearbook were, "She is an excellent, serious conscientious student, but her bell-like laughter proclaims her delightful

Aurania Haropulos in 1959

sense of humor. Endowed with wisdom beyond her years, still she has the gaity of youth and is popular among her contemporaries. We are proud to call her friend, and we know that whatever her creative dreams, she has the capacity to attain them."

I was only 9 when Aurania died. I'm left with emotional snapshots of a beautiful, kind young woman, a whiff of perfume, a charming laugh, and a wide smile. Thank God I at least have that much.

Remembering Dad

Father's Day is painful now. Ron lost his father in 1995, and I lost mine in 1999. Nevertheless, those of us who no longer have our dads are shotgunned with all the same Father's Day advertising and wishes as everyone else. I wish there would be even a little emphasis on remembering our fathers with love and respect. To that end, I'll tell you a little about my dad.

John Haropulos was a WWII veteran, who saw action on Okinawa. He didn't talk about it much, but I sensed that it shaped his appreciation of home and family. Dad grew up in Chicago, and I learned to share his love of the city - cheering for the Bears and the Cubs, going to Northwestern University where Dad studied Electrical Engineering, and eventually living about a mile from where he and his family lived (on Belmont).

After the war, Dad and Mom eloped in 1950, and shortly thereafter he finished his college degree at the University of New Hampshire. They lived in New York City less than a year, before Dad obtained a government job in the DC area. Three daughters (I'm #2) and a son were all raised in suburban Maryland. All of us got good public school educations and the opportunity to go to college.

Dad was an impressive figure. I used to describe him to friends as "6 foot 2 with a mustache". We were taught to think in a disciplined way and to use our brains to figure things out. (In fact it was demanded of us.)

I'm thankful that we were able to finance a trip to Hawaii for Mom and Dad in the 80's. Dad had a chance to show Mom where he was stationed at the end of the war. Hilton came through and upgraded them into a suite with a view of Diamondhead. I also fondly remember the trip Ron and I took with them to Arizona to see the Cubs in Spring Training.

Dad taught me how to throw and catch a football and a baseball, and how to swing a golf club. He paid for summer camp, swimming, hula, and piano lessons. He yelled at me when I did something stupid, and comforted me when I skinned a knee. We played wiffle ball in the back yard. Saturday nights, he grilled burgers or steaks. We all piled into a car for summer vacations, and Dad drove us to New Hampshire. When he got tired, he would sing silly songs. I remember him pulling over to the side of the road to pick wildflowers flowers for Mom. We loved it when Dad would play old 78 records and he and Mom would dance in the living room. Dad mowed the lawn, fixed the car, and built things. At the end of the day, he would often come upstairs to tuck us in at night and check the bed for creepy-crawlies. When Ron and I married in 1991, Dad placed our wedding crowns on our heads, and danced at our reception. He was the best father I can imagine.

So as Father's Day approaches, the best thing my old friends could say to me is, "I remember your father". Otherwise, a hug would be good.

A Thank You Card

Mom and my sister Althea conclude their visit to Prescott and Talking Rock Ranch today.  We’re driving to Phoenix so they can catch their flight back home to Manchester, New Hampshire.  I’m sending a grateful “Thank You” out to our friends here who have opened their homes, their arms, and their hearts to my family to make their visit so successful.

A parent needs to know that their children are happy, and that their future seems secure and bright.  It’s important to Mom to have experienced where and how we live, so that she can visualize things when she is far away at her own home.  For Althea, it’s nice to have a place to come visit where she can be comfortable and have a change of pace.

It delights me that our Talking Rock friends were so welcoming.  We enjoyed the impromptu gathering at Connie’s house, along with Sharon’s chili and cornbread.  Mom is tickled that people picked up on her childhood nickname, and now call her “Diz” instead of Dolores.  (I’ll remember Detta spotting Mom at the club and yelping, “There’s Diz!”) The Hiking Club included Althea on their weekly trek; and Althea also had a chance to be introduced to Pickle Ball.  Holly was so kind to invite us over for a preview of her paintings, which she is preparing for a gallery exhibit later this month.  It was fun to join the happy chatter of ladies at Coop’s after golf earlier this week.  The staff catered to our special requests at the club, designed to make Mom comfortable.  Althea was greeted like an old friend by those she had met on previous visits.  All of us enjoyed sharing Happy Hour and the sunset on our back patio with Connie, Wayne, Gus, and Rochelle.  Mom got lots of warm Arizona sunshine and friendly hugs that she says she has stored up to last her through the winter.

My mother and sister will take memories of warmth and laughter back to New Hampshire, and will have a place in their own hearts for Talking Rock.  I’m not the least bit surprised that our wonderful friends reached out to gather them in…but I am pleased and grateful.

Thank you, sincerely.

For Our New Graduates

My niece and eldest nephews are in what I consider to be the truly formative years of their lives. One graduates high school next week, one graduated high school last year, and another graduates college later this year. Although the world has changed in many ways since I navigated the same passages, there are many lessons I learned in my youth that I am convinced are still applicable today....

Savor every moment of this time of life which is remarkably carefree. Things get much more complicated later.

Some high school and college friends will be friends for life. Other friendships will naturally fade away as you grow further apart. Cherish the few that remain close for the long haul. They will be welcome touchstones in your life.

In the years to come, you will face difficulty and sadness. It can’t be escaped. Keep your family close. Choose your friends and your life partner wisely. We all need help getting through hard times.

Mistakes made can change your life forever, in an instant. May your mistakes be few and minor. You can avoid a lot of regret by making good choices.

Your education will serve you well for your entire life. Take advantage of every opportunity to learn and grow, and become a well-rounded person.

Consider traveling a little before starting your career. Once you get entrenched in the working world, it’s hard to take more than a week off at a time to do anything.

Never compromise your personal values and principles. Beware of people (or employers) who try to persuade you to do so.

Show your parents that you love them all the time. They won’t be around forever.

Live in the moment, but plan ahead.

P.S. To our nieces and nephews: Aunt Laurel and Uncle Ron love you and are here for you. XOXO

Don't Forget to Look Back

Last night, sated by a prime rib dinner at Talking Rock Club, Ron looked around our home and said, “I never could have guessed we would be here”. He was recalling the years of hard work and good fortune that allowed us to retire early. That led us both to think further back…

Ron’s paternal grandfather worked as a carpenter for a coal mine in southern Illinois. Later, health issues forced a job change. He became a janitor for the local school system. Ron’s father, Jim, left at 17 to join the Navy, get an education, and make a better life for himself. After the Navy, with the help of the GI Bill, Jim earned an engineering degree from the University of Illinois and became an electrical engineer. He married Barbara, a true farmer’s daughter, college graduate, and teacher. They raised 5 children. When the family would go to see Jim’s parents, they visited a home that was little more than a shack, with no indoor bathroom. But Ron and all of his siblings went to college. It’s humbling to remember that there is just one generation between us and an outhouse, or a hard life of farming that included walking the beans and slopping the hogs.

My own paternal grandfather emigrated from Greece. My papou (grandfather in Greek) was a furrier – a good living that allowed him to send John, his son/my father to Northwestern University to earn a degree in electrical engineering. Mom and Dad raised 4 kids, and sent us all to college. Early on, we lived in modest homes and pinched pennies. Vacations were taken once a year, via a packed station wagon, to visit family in New Hampshire. My idea of comfort food was derived from dishes like Creamed Tuna on Toast, which stretched a can of tuna fish to feed a family of 6, served with a salad. The occasional dinner out as a family was burgers and milkshakes at the Ho-Jo’s drive-in.

Ron and I both made the most of good public education and, later, advanced schooling paid for by our parents. Neither Ron nor I were provided with a car when we turned 16. We both worked real jobs for pocket money and our own savings, from our mid-teens on. When we graduated college, we moved out of our parents homes and started our own independent lives and careers. As a young couple, I remember visiting friends who had just moved into a lovely $100K home in Plano, TX and thinking, “We’ll never be able to afford a house like this.”

Fast forward to 2011. Retired now, we (temporarily) own two nice homes – a condo in the city and a ranch cottage on a golf course with mountain views. We eat out several times a week. Our next vehicle will be an electric golf cart. Good friends and family enrich our lives, which couldn’t be better. In April, we will celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary, and once again we will count our blessings and say,

“We never could have guessed we would be here.”

Family Gathering

My entire immediate family gathered for the first time in five years for Mom’s 80th birthday last week. We were joined by Mom’s brother, Jerry and his wife, Elaine. It’s been almost a week since the main event, and I am still thinking about all the fun, talk, laughter, and even a few tears shared while we were together. I’m so thankful to everyone who was there: Mom, Jerry, Elaine, Xandy, Tony, Althea, Shawn, Jason and Ron. Dad would have loved it. I believe he was present in his own way.

What determines how families stay connected as they age? Mom and Dad raised four independent and headstrong individuals who (with emotional and financial help) went our own ways to pursue education, build careers, gain experience, and (in Jason’s case) serve our country. Through trial and error, we each defined the pattern of our adult lives, creating new traditions, finding personal comfort, extending our circle of loved ones through friendships and marriage - all greatly influenced by our upbringing. We are still the same in so many important ways… and yet so, so different now.

For Mom, having the whole family descend on her home in New Hampshire was a happy event; emotional and even a little overwhelming. She lives a pretty quiet life these days, and isn’t used to all the excitement a full house generates. I know that Mom loved having us all there and will be replaying last week’s gathering and celebration in her mind’s eye for a long time. So will I.

As the years pass, each time I say goodbye to Mom is more wrenching. This time, though, we expect to see each other in just three months. Mom and my little sister, Althea, will be visiting me and Ron in Prescott. We’ll look forward to that time, when we can make more memories to cherish.

Hold your loved ones closer to your heart with every passing year. Time is precious, and none of us hang around forever..