Preparing for Treatment - Chapter 5 of My Cancer Story

This blog post is the 5th in a series chronicling my battle with colon cancer ten years ago.  For Chapters 1-4, see the Blog Archives to the right of this post.

It’s January 2002. I’ve had my colon surgery. My cancerous tumor has been removed, and I am recovering well at home. Now it’s time for the next step…to meet my oncologist and plan treatment.

Dr Margaret Gore

My surgeon, Dr King, recommended Dr Margaret Gore to manage my treatment. I make my first visit to consult with her, with my sister Althea in tow. Dr Gore is a lovely woman, and has an undergraduate degree from Harvard and a medical degree from Duke University. After introductions, she reviews my condition and my treatment options. Although the cancer did not break through my colon wall, I tested positive for a low level of activity in my lymph nodes. This requires chemotherapy to keep the cancer from spreading into other organs.

Dr Gore and her colleagues believe that the current standard recommended treatment for my situation is about to be superseded by a more aggressive plan. I choose to take the aggressive route to make sure we get ALL the bad stuff. The way I look at it, there’s no room for regrets if I make the wrong choice.

I will need three hours of chemo once a week for six months. Every fourth week, I will get a week off. I’m not that interested in all the detail on the specific chemicals that will be used. I never did do well in high school chemistry. Ron ends up doing a lot of reading on the subject (and scaring himself in the process). We talk about some of the possible or likely side effects, like nausea and hair loss, and vulnerability to infection if my white blood cell count drops too low. Then we talk about how to move forward ASAP. Let’s do this.

The first task is another surgery. Dang! I need to have a catheter surgically inserted into my chest to facilitate delivery of the chemo drugs. They call this a portacath. The device is like a screened porthole that is put under your skin and tapped into a large vein. When drugs are administered, the nurse will just need to push the needle through my skin and the screen, and we will be ready to go. This will help avoid damage to my skin and muscle tissue that can be caused by the toxic drugs.

Insertion of the portacath is completed a few days later, and I find recovery from the surgery rather painful (like someone whacked me in the chest with a baseball bat). It’s odd to adjust to having a foreign device under my skin, and it affects my sleeping positions, which adversely impacts my sleep and makes me cranky.

We decide that my treatments will be on Friday afternoons, so that I have the weekend to recover from any ill effects and hopefully be ready to go to work on Monday. I’ll start chemo next Friday and go back to work soon, after being out for eight weeks. I’m determined to get through this next six months and on to the rest of my life.

Next time: My first day of chemotherapy.

Grammar Lesson PSA

That’s it! I’ve heard it one too many times now in personal conversations and on TV. “You and I”, when “You and Me” is grammatically correct. Last night I heard “You and I” incorrectly used in the script of a TV show. It pushed me over the edge, and now I feel the need to review the proper way to use “You and I” versus “You and Me”.

This gets into a little technical grammar. I’m no expert, and I had to look up the details. Thanks, Grammar Girl, for a 2007 blog post that helped remind me of old school rules.

“I” is a subjective pronoun, meaning it is the subject of a sentence. “Me” is an objective pronoun, meaning it is the target of action. In most cases, we easily pick up the difference and know when to use which word. “I love golf” is correct. “Me love golf” is obviously wrong.

The word “You” is both a subjective and objective pronoun. “You love Mom” and “Mom loves You” are both correct. Combining the word You with I or Me complicates things. The proper use is dependent upon the context and sentence structure. Hang in with me here…

“You and I love golf” is correct, because both pronouns are being used as subjects. You can dissect the sentence and you know that both pronouns are correct: “You love golf” and “I love golf”. “You and me love golf” is incorrect. Mentally dissect the sentence, and it becomes clear that “Me love golf” can’t be right. Examples:

CORRECT: Please explain that to Ron and me. (Dissected, you would say, “Explain that to me”.)
INCORRECT: Leave the decision to Ron and I. (You wouldn’t say, “Leave the decision to I”.)
CORRECT: Please join Connie and me for lunch. (You would say, “Join me for lunch”.)
INCORRECT: Come over and watch TV with Ron and I. (You would instead say, “Watch TV with me”.)

Another important rule (only if you care about speaking proper English), is that pronouns following prepositions and prepositional phrases are always in the objective case. Prepositions (such as of, on, above, over, between) usually describe a relationship or show possession. They don’t usually act alone, but as part of a phrase that answers questions like “Where?” or “When?”. Examples:

CORRECT: Keep the secret between you and me. (Because “between” is a preposition, and “me” is an objective pronoun.)
INCORRECT: Keep the secret between you and I.

CORRECT: The next drinks are on you and me. (“On” is a preposition.)
INCORRECT: The next drinks are on you and I.

This has been a Public Service Announcement.

Bailey Bros. Golf

Today was the first day of play in Talking Rock Ranch’s "Big Talk" golf tournament. For $700 a person, 46 teams of 2 compete for three days for the prestigious championship. This year Ron is playing for the first time. His partner is his brother Tim, from St Louis.

Women were banned from the golf course and the club house starting yesterday, until the closing party on Saturday night. Right now, testosterone levels around the pro shop and the club’s bar might poison us anyway – so we are pretty happy staying away, having our hen parties or quiet evenings at home with a chick flick.

The guys are being fed three over-the-top, gourmet meals a day, partaking liberally from the open bar, wagering on themselves and other teams, acquiring new golf paraphernalia, and driving around in golf carts. They are out of reach of our reminders, nagging, and pleas to avoid overindulgence. They think they’re in Heaven.

When Ron and Tim left for breakfast before their morning round today, they were nattily attired in matching outfits – white shorts and beautiful blue shirts that were a gift from Tim and his wife Emily. They had them embroidered with “Bailey Bros. Golf” on the chest, and “TEI” on the sleeve. TEI was a company founded and owned by their late father, Jim Bailey. It was a poignant reminder that Jim would have so loved that two of his boys could share this experience. He will be with them in spirit. Ron got a little choked up with it all.

It’s a special treat to be witness to all this wholesome male bonding, brotherly and friendly. Sitting in the house by myself in the evening with the windows open, I can hear laughter from the club house drifting across the fairway. The guys will come home fairly lit up, eyes twinkling, grins a little crooked, and smelling of cigars. Last night after the opening party both slept soundly, like little kids worn out by the excitement of Christmas Day.

I love this for Tim and Ron. It’s fun to watch them making memories together.

Unpacking Life

It’s been almost six weeks since we arrived back in Prescott and slowly starting unpacking and reorganizing our home. Unpacking is a messy business. Of course, there is all the packing material that has to be disposed of – but it’s more than that. The process is emotional; for me anyway.

Working on the "Family Wall"

Cookware and glassware has to find the appropriate cabinet for its function and frequency of use. Each piece of artwork is deserving of the right place to be featured. Certain favorite family photos need to rest somewhere where my gaze can trip on them frequently. Decorative items will eventually find the right tabletop, dresser, or mantle from which they will enhance their surroundings and stir our memories. These decisions require time and thought. Each time I find the right place for something, I have a little “Eureka!” moment in my heart.

It’s not about the stuff…not really. What it is about is making a house our home for the long term. Ron and I plan to live in our Talking Rock home longer than we have lived elsewhere during our married life; maybe longer than either of us has lived anywhere. So it has to be comfortable. It has to be right. It will reflect who we are, and how we live. (Crap – no wonder I stress about this!)

Over time, changes will surely be made. We already have a few projects in mind for next year (to expand the back patio and add some shelves and lighting to the fireplace/entertainment wall). I can’t even think about that right now. Overload.

Today we’ll continue to churn through the boxes, bubble-wrap, and paper. Ron’s brother and sister-in-law arrive for a visit next week. They’ll still be a few boxes stored in the garage, but we’ll be in good shape for company and are excited that Tim and Emily will be able to experience how we live and see the home we have created.

Back to work!

Headed Into Town

Gone are the days when I could stop for a jug or milk or something for dinner on the way home from work, or walk to a local market in our Chicago neighborhood. Now we live in a private community that’s kind of out in the “boonies”.

Google Maps shows we are 17.7 miles from downtown Prescott and 23.8 miles from the Gateway Mall, around which are clustered regular destinations like Costco and Trader Joe’s. We consolidate our shopping in town into one day a week to save time and gas. Often we have lunch somewhere and make a half-day of it.

The closest restaurant (not including our own club’s) is Bonn-Fire Chillin’ & Grillin’ – 11 and ½ miles away in Chino Valley. Our Safeway is over 14 miles from home. Fortunately, there is a gas station and quick mart just 5 miles down Williamson Valley Road.

None of this is really an issue; just an adjustment. It’s not so easy anymore to say, “Oops, I forgot an ingredient for dinner – I’ll just run to the store”. We’ve had to make creative substitutions for a recipe on occasion, or visit a kind neighbor to poach something from their pantry. Once I went to Coops (the club’s version of a mini-market and gathering place) to beg a cup of milk for a meatloaf already under construction.

You know those projects that require multiple trips to the hardware store? Better create a good plan and a complete shopping list. There’s an Ace Hardware near Bonn-Fire, but Lowe’s and Home Depot are all the way in town. It stinks to drive an hour, round-trip, because you forgot 50 cents worth of molly bolts.

Some first impressions of Talking Rock Ranch are that it is “too far out” from town. It may take a little longer for people to realize that the beauty of this place is not just the phenomenal landscape, but the community of people. There is always something to do, right here. Many social events are organized by the club to take advantage of the facilities – the golf course, the restaurant, the fitness center, and the pool. Members, neighbors, and friends then instigate countless other activities that keep one’s social calendar full. You have to hunker down and hide in your home to be left out. We Talking Rock Folk are good at making our own excuses to celebrate life.

Time to hitch up the wagon and head to Chino Valley for supplies. Yee-haw!

Golf Gods, Mojo, and Karma

I play golf four to five times a week when the weather allows. Golf is good exercise, a fun way to socialize, and a good way to enjoy the outdoors. Some may think it would be boring to play the same course so frequently, but it’s not. There are many, many variables in every round.

The biggest wildcard is you. Do you have your mojo today?  Will your drives find the fairways and bounce straight and true? Will you be hitting your irons? How will your short game treat you? Can you avoid the dreaded three-putt? Will you best yesterday’s score? As your game improves, there are always surprises (good and bad). You can have an awful hole; then birdie the next one. The Golf Gods are fickle that way. They can be cruel, but they don’t actually ever want you to give up. That wouldn’t be any fun.

Mother Nature also provides variation. Granted, it’s often clear and sunny in Prescott. But the wind may howl and knock your ball out of the air, the temperature can be cold or hot, the sun gets in your eyes, and the summer monsoons provide pop-up thunderstorms that send you scurrying for cover. Once we played in a snow squall. Some conditions truly test your powers of concentration.

The course itself is a constant challenge. Think about it. You never hit the ball twice in exactly the same spot. Pin positions change from day to day. The fairway undulates. The sand in the bunkers could be dry as a bone or heavy and wet. An unlucky bounce leaves you in someone else’s divot. When your ball strays into the desert, you may be puzzling over whether or how you can punch your ball out from under a bush or from behind a rock – all while keeping an eye out for rattlesnakes. There are uphill lies, and downhill lies. Your may be forced to practice a “specialty shot” out of a tricky situation. And, just because your #3 hybrid got you over the chasm on 11 yesterday doesn’t mean it will today. Trust me on that one.



The first tee at Talking Rock

Golf is a great way to make friends and deepen relationships. (For that reason, I wish I had played when I was in the business world.) Golf requires confidence, honesty, and infinite grace. You must to follow the rules, celebrate successes with humility, suffer nobly through your own failures, and support your partner’s play. People’s true nature shines through on the course.

Every time I stand on the first tee I feel intense anticipation and excitement. I take a deep breath of clear mountain air, stretch my shoulders, tee up, wind up for my first drive, and hope for good karma! 

Time to Smell the Roses

Many years of work, planning, and saving have led us to be in a place where we can settle and enjoy life to its fullest.  It’s taking a little time to realize that we have arrived at a long-term destination.  For so long, we focused intently on the next steps - leaving our corporate jobs, moving to Chicago, and then finding a home the Southwest.  Oddly, now that we have achieved our goals, it’s a little disorienting.

You know that feeling you get after a long road trip, when even after you get to your destination and get out of the car, it seems as though you are still moving?  I feel a bit like that right now. 

The current plan is to live in our community in Prescott for as long as we are able.  We love the area and our home and friends, and have plenty to see and do.  Other than enjoying all that, we don’t really know what’s next.  That’s mildly disconcerting for someone like me, who is a planner.

Eventually we’ll need to have discussions about how to prepare for a point in life where we need assistance.  As we and the huge population of Boomer compatriots age, there will likely be more and more options for appealing situations for our sunset years.  I know we have to figure that out; but not right now.

Right now, we will smell the roses, nurture our health, take care of each other, laugh with friends, breathe deeply of the high desert air, explore our interests, connect with others, and stay active.  We’ll know when it’s time to start planning again.