Finding Peace

Recent days in Prescott have been gut-wrenching and tearful. We continue to try to deal with the death of 19 of our own Hotshot firefighters - brave young men who lost their lives protecting others. I think it's going to hurt forever. We are grateful for the support we have received throughout the country and around the world.

Our club is working hard, putting together a fundraiser for the families of the fallen. I've been somewhat consumed with this project, attending meetings, working on documentation, checking texts, email and voice mails, and thinking a lot about what we are trying to accomplish. The goal is to raise $250,000. In the first week, we have commitments totaling almost $45,000.

In the wake of this feeling of loss, I've mostly been running around like an idiot. Finding Peace in my mind has been difficult. My thoughts are discombobulated, and I am not very focused. This realization caused me to think about what in my life brings me Peace. It's time to focus more on these things, to settle my anxious soul and clear my mind.

The love of my husband and family 

Being with good friends

Enjoying the view (literally)

Lungfuls of clean, sweet air

Undisturbed sleep

Joyful music

Watching nature unfold

The undercurrent of my Faith

Heaven vs. Hell

Five days ago Prescott suffered the shocking loss of 19 Granite Mountain Hotshot firefighters deployed at the Yarnell, AZ fire. Prescott is a relatively small community of about 40,000 residents, so we all know someone affected by this tragedy. Nineteen young men with loved ones and families. Nineteen brave men who just the week before saved the homes of hundreds of people in the Granite Mountain/Williamson Valley area. The fire came within five miles of our home. We wanted to say "Thank You", but the Hotshots were on to the next fire where they did their jobs and lost their lives. Our throats are constricted with unsaid words and impotent grief.

As a community, we are coming together to express our love and provide support for the families of the fallen and the people in nearby Yarnell and Peeples Valley who have lost their homes. We all want to help and to take care of our own. We owe the "Prescott 19" no less than this.

Of course, the media highlights the best and the worst of us in the aftermath of this event. Westboro Baptist Church is praising God for the Arizona Wildfire that killed 19 Granite Mountain Hotshots, and claims that our heroes are currently in Hell pleading for Westboro to come and picket their funerals because, supposedly...God hates fags. WTF?? Make no mistake, Westboro is proof that Evil exists in our world - mingling with Heroes and Angels.

The false church of Westboro Baptist is one of evil and cowardice. If their screwed up disciples show their faces in Prescott, our citizens will block the Evil with the Love we are sharing to overcome this tragedy. Heaven vs. Hell.

Granite Mountain Hotshots in Yarnell.

The Granite Mountain Hotshots knew in their last moments that Death was upon them. As highly trained as they were, the conditions were too unpredictable and ferocious to overcome. I take comfort in my belief that in their moment of intense need, our Heroes were comforted and shielded from pain by Angels. Angels and firey Death - Heaven vs. Hell.

It was painful to hear that erratic wind gusts generated by the sudden monsoon rains we celebrated in Prescott on Sunday were what consumed the Hotshots on the hills in Yarnell. We needed that rain, and we needed our firefighters. For our little taste of Heaven, the Hotshots paid in hellish conditions they could not overcome.

We were miraculously saved in Williamson Valley, and thankfully enjoy our little slice of Heaven. Yarnell and Peeples Valley suffered awful destruction.

Heaven: 5, Hell: 5. I guess we'll be going to overtime. My money's on Heaven.

Beyond Reason

"We still do not know who did this or why," said President Obama in his first official statement about the Boston Marathon bombings on April 15th. "But make no mistake, we will get to the bottom of this, and we will find out who did this, we'll find out why they did this."

I'm sure the President's statement was meant to convey confidence and provide some semblance of comfort, but it fell flat with me. There is no "why" to discover. Whoever did this despicable deed hates the United States and wants to threaten our collective way of life, our freedom. They want us to suffer. The perpetrators are godless, evil, sub-human creatures, who murdered and maimed innocent people. I believe the authorities will find them, and they will be punished and (in the President's words) "feel the full weight of justice". But the truth is that our civilized Justice system won't allow the punishment to be gruesome enough to fully fit the crime.

I am haunted by this picture of 8-year old victim Martin Richard; a mere child who understood humanity:

Those who choose to do harm will always find a way - guns, bombs, hatchets, ice picks, knives - we can't do away with all the implements that can be used in evil ways. The "why" is beyond reason. Let's pray for Evil to be conquered (in this case, preferably in an Old Testament kind of way involving impressive fire and brimstone) while we protect our loved ones as well as we can. Let's live our lives in a way that allows Faith and Grace to overcome.

Defying the Precipice

Life is a gift. It's often difficult and messy and challenging, and we have to work hard to enjoy the best of what it has to offer. In fact, sometimes we have to fight for it.

We live on the edge. There's a push and pull to our lives. All of us are potentially a breath away from a terrible accident, a debilitating illness, a horrifying loss. Oddly, we're mostly able to live our lives as if the precipice does not exist. When we see someone near us go over the edge, it's shocking. The sudden death of a contemporary rocks our foundation. The end of a marriage that seemed so solid to outsiders shakes us to the core. The mental breakdown of someone we love confounds us and breaks our hearts.

So we make permanent camp on dangerous ground. We sing, and dance, and love, and enjoy the view. We light campfires and contemplate the beauty. We sleep in peace. When one of us gets too close to danger, we try to calmly talk them back to safer ground. When another scrabbles for footing on the edge, we band together to provide steadying hands. Mostly, the village binds us together and provides security.

Every once in a while, a lost soul is drawn to the abyss against all reason, as if mesmerized by the vertigo it causes - as if something there calls to them. Inexplicably, but predictably, they eventually take a purposeful leap into the nothingness. We'll never understand why. There is nothing we can do to stop them. It's a horrible, horrible thing to witness.

I'm in the group who defies the precipice. I'll bravely party here where we live, but regularly sneak a peek over my shoulder to check my coordinates. I won't follow anyone who feels compelled to actually flirt with the abyss. I'll fight tooth and nail for the happy life I have and the well-being of the people I love. I want to stay around and thrill in the spectacular view. Take a look, but watch your footing. Be safe, and enjoy the gift of Life.

What I See

This should be a season of comfort and joy, yet last week it was shattered by the violent and tragic events in Newtown, Connecticut. I admit that I haven't watched much of the news on this, because it's grossly and inappropriately sensationalized by the media. Besides, it makes me deeply sad - for the families of those killed, the family of the shooter, for their community, our country, and for the state of our world today.

Perhaps some positive change will come out of what happened. We're thinking about it, dreaming about it, and questioning how something like this could happen. We're praying for the innocent souls of the children and adults who lost their lives. We have discussions and engage in arm-waving about gun control and mental illness. I hear people railing in anger. I suppose "something" will be done, and changes will be made in policy and laws. Will it make a difference? I hope so, but I don't know. Our need for change is deeper.

I believe there is Evil in our world. This is the dark side of Faith. I believe that given an opportunity, Evil can become resident in human souls. We can successfully fight it, but first we have to recognize it. It can be kept at bay by each of us by applying love, patience, grace, humility, and care to our thoughts, our words, our relationships with others, and in everything we do. It's not always easy - but we can try. We can make things better.

This Christmas, when I look at our Christmas tree, I see many things. In the lights, I see the Star of Bethlehem, and the stars over our own home. In the gifts, I see the wonder of the Three Wise Men, and the love my family and friends have for each other. In the ornaments, I see new angels on high and an appreciation of the blessings we have in our lives. I see hope. I see love.

Merry Christmas / Καλά Χριστούγεννα

Staying in the Saddle

It's very difficult for us sometimes to let go of "control" of our lives. We want to be able to plan, to make decisions, and drive our existence in the direction we have predetermined.  With a destination in mind, we can be frustrated by the rerouting made necessary by detours - temporary or permanent.

The fact is that control isn't always ours to exercise.  Other energies, good or bad, can snatch the reins from our hands and take us on a wild ride.  It takes courage to simply hang on and try to enjoy the scenery.

Mom is on her own wild ride now.  Her continued health is in the hands of nurses, doctors, and surgeons.  Her life is in the hands of a greater power.  The plan changes from day to day, and the ins and outs of medical mysteries are confusing and disconcerting.  Some would fight this situation with anger.

I'm heartened by the grace with which Mom is riding out this chaos. Certainly she is frustrated with the on and off schedule for her hospitalization and surgery, but in the bigger scheme of things Mom is willing to let go, put herself in others hands, and allow events to unfold.  She is at peace with whatever may come from this journey, and even encouraged me yesterday not to worry.

Sometimes there is peace in letting go and trusting in powers you can't control.  It's a lesson we all should learn.

Stay in the saddle, Mom.

Dear Lord

Thank you for the beauty and contentedness that cushions our lives

Thank you for my husband and life partner, who is so good to me

Thank you for our families that are very important to us

Thank you for the dear people directed into our path to be friends

Thank you for our good health that allows us to be strong and active

Thank you for providing so many opportunities to enjoy your world

Thank you for the leisure we have after long work careers

Thank you for your patience in suffering my weaknesses

Life is good

Just one thing…

Dear Lord, please guide my mother to prepare for her surgery by helping her stop smoking.  Expect a battle of wills.  Please dispatch an angel to keep her under a wing while they shore up her heart.  We would love to have her here with us for a while longer.  Thank you.

Ἅγιος ὁ Θεός, Ἅγιος ἰσχυρός, Ἅγιος ἀθάνατος, ἐλέησον ἡμᾶς
Holy God, Holy Almighty, Holy Immortal, have mercy upon us.