Five Years of Retirement Fun

Five years ago this week, we walked out of our Hilton offices to start our retirement. Within days, we moved from Memphis to Chicago and began to savor our new lives. Since then, everything has changed - for the better. We are endlessly grateful for how much joy has entered our lives. From Memphis to Chicago to Prescott, from hiking to golf, from Italy to Greece to England... What a wild ride so far! Thank you to everyone sharing this wonderful journey with us. It wouldn't be half as much fun without you.

Feels Like Home

While Ron and I were dining out last night, we were chatting with a man at the table next to us. He asked where we were from. When we hesitated and looked at each other, he said, “Where do you live now?” That, we could easily answer. As to where we are from… I grew up in Maryland, but am most recently from Chicago. We’ve also lived in Dallas, Las Vegas, and Memphis. Prescott, Arizona is home now.

"Home is Where the Heart Is”. If that’s true, I have multiple places to call Home, where I have strewn pieces of my heart. Home is a place you look forward to getting back to when you are away. Your pulse quickens when you fly over, or round a corner in the neighborhood. Thoughts linger there, replaying vivid memories.

 

Yes, Prescott is home now. Our house and our belongings are there. Our friends and community are there. But my heart still sings when I arrive in Chicago. I have history there, as does my father’s family. It’s where Ron and I started our retirement. I can walk through the neighborhood, past the block where my grandfather’s furrier store used to be. When I go to Wrigley Field, I think about Dad attending games there as a kid. I became an adult while attending Northwestern University in adjacent Evanston. I “get” Chicago, and I will always love it in a visceral way.

Mom’s home in Manchester, New Hampshire is also my home. The knotty pine paneling, the jays cawing in the trees, and the tiny, homey kitchen – all Home. Mom’s grandfather, parents, and brother built the house with love, and it oozes from every seam. I’m always happy there.

Ron’s family recently sold the farm and home place in Melvin, Illinois. We haven’t been back since. It felt like Home and an emotional touchstone for years. There are generations of history there, and so many memories of family gatherings. It was hard to let go. The feeling of home-ness in Melvin will fade over time, because we don’t belong there any longer.

Everyone should have at least one place to call Home. If you have more, you are blessed.

Basic Facebook Safety & Privacy Tips

I admit it; I'm a Facebook fan. It has been a great tool for me to keep in touch with far-flung friends since I joined four years ago. Of course it's not perfect. Facebook annoys with sponsored postings and ads, but hey, this is how they keep the service free. I have a highly developed ability to ignore what doesn't interest me. On the positive side, it has helped me stay close with friends and reconnect with so many dear people, and I am thankful for what Facebook has to offer.

I'm not an expert - but there are a few really important basics users should understand before getting too involved with Facebook and it's allure:

1. LOCK DOWN PRIVACY SETTINGS: Click on the lock icon on the blue task bar at the top of the Facebook screen. "Who can see my stuff?" should be set to "Friends". Unless you are a public figure courting a following, the Public should not be able to see your Facebook postings.
2. SECURE BROWSING: Click on the little wheel icon on the blue task bar at the top of the Facebook screen. Select "Account Settings". Now, in the column on the left, select "Security" and activate secure browsing. You will see that your URL now begins with "https" instead of "http". Activating this feature greatly reduces the possibility that your Facebook account will be hacked.
3. CONTROL WHO CAN CONTACT YOU: Facebook facilitates other Facebook users sending you private messages and/or inviting you to connect as a Friend. Click on the lock icon, and then "Who can contact me?" I have mine set to "Basic filtering", but you can be more restrictive by selecting "Strict filtering". Only my Friends can see my email and telephone number. "Who can send me friend requests?" can be set to "Everyone" or "Friends of Friends". I have mine set to Everyone, which has allowed some long lost friends to find and contact me. You can always ignore a Friend Request and even block an undesirable person if you receive stray, random requests from strangers. It happens; don't freak out.

BE AWARE that Facebook can be an intrusive little bugger. If you are logged into Facebook and have another window open to browse the Internet, Facebook reads your cookies (a trail of where you have been on the Internet), and will display advertising content consistent with your implied interests. This is a little creepy.

BE SELECTIVE about pages you "Like". You are opening the door to more postings and advertisements on your Wall. That's not always bad. You can be kept up to date by neighborhood organizations, your favorite band, politicians, etc. I welcome ads for golf products and travel packages that I see because I "Like" Golf. But too much can be too much. You can always "Unlike" a page if it's postings are useless and annoying.

BE CAREFUL about signing up for other applications from Facebook, including games! If you read the Terms & Conditions for use of these fun and convenient apps, you will see that most of them require you to agree to share not only your Facebook data, but your Friends as well! Sorry, Friends, that's why I don't accept your invitations to play online games through Facebook.

Enjoy Facebook with discretion. If you haven't already, go check your Privacy and Account settings. My friends are welcome to contact me for assistance if needed.

Make a Mess - Reap the Benefits

"You know that point in time in the middle of organizing/cleaning during which you have created a bigger mess than you had when you started? I'm there."

That was my Facebook post yesterday. I hate being "there". But it's a place you have to go when you are switching our winter clothes for summer, and cleaning your closet. Invariably, you find things that have been hiding, are stored in the wrong place, or just waiting patiently to be hauled off to Goodwill. This is tedious, time-consuming work - but the results are worth the effort. It would be embarrassing to tell you how many times I've gone into my closet to see how great it looks now. I'm pretty proud of myself.

Yesterday I chatted with a dear friend who shared his disappointment over an inconsiderate action by his spouse. He's fuming and hurt, but hasn't yet told his other half that he's angry. I understand that. You don't want to make too much of something that might blow over. You don't want to be a nag, and stir things up and cause a fuss. But you have to say something. Sometimes you must make a mess to make it better. Letting things fester only makes them worse. My advice to my friend was to get his frustration out in the open and clear it up.

Procrastination is in my genes. To be fair, it's my Haropulos genes. If I can put off something unpleasant, I'll put it off until the last possible second. This has made me a Master of Crisis Management. It's not that I'm proud of it - it's just the way I am. But as I get older...I have less tolerance for the unsettled feeling fomented by unresolved messes. Everything should have its place. Harmony shall reign. It makes me happy and allows me to sleep well at night.

Stir things up and tackle a little mess today. Then take a nap. You'll feel great.

Beyond Reason

"We still do not know who did this or why," said President Obama in his first official statement about the Boston Marathon bombings on April 15th. "But make no mistake, we will get to the bottom of this, and we will find out who did this, we'll find out why they did this."

I'm sure the President's statement was meant to convey confidence and provide some semblance of comfort, but it fell flat with me. There is no "why" to discover. Whoever did this despicable deed hates the United States and wants to threaten our collective way of life, our freedom. They want us to suffer. The perpetrators are godless, evil, sub-human creatures, who murdered and maimed innocent people. I believe the authorities will find them, and they will be punished and (in the President's words) "feel the full weight of justice". But the truth is that our civilized Justice system won't allow the punishment to be gruesome enough to fully fit the crime.

I am haunted by this picture of 8-year old victim Martin Richard; a mere child who understood humanity:

Those who choose to do harm will always find a way - guns, bombs, hatchets, ice picks, knives - we can't do away with all the implements that can be used in evil ways. The "why" is beyond reason. Let's pray for Evil to be conquered (in this case, preferably in an Old Testament kind of way involving impressive fire and brimstone) while we protect our loved ones as well as we can. Let's live our lives in a way that allows Faith and Grace to overcome.

Now I Get It

Funny how as you age you begin to understand and appreciate your parents’ perspective on so many things that were lost on you as a youngster. I could take it as a depressing sign that I am getting to be a fuddy-duddy, but I prefer to look at it as hard-earned maturity and wisdom.

SO MANY READING GLASSES:  I don’t know how many pair of readers my dad owned, but they seemed to be everywhere. Now I understand that no matter how many pair you have, and how far and wide you strew them around the house – you can never put your hands on a pair when you need them. Dammit.

A LITTLE RESPECT IS NICE:  My parents belonged to a country club. Dad seemed to get an inordinate amount of pleasure from being greeted by name and called “Sir”. What I failed to appreciate at the time was that being a member of that club meant a lot to my parents – especially my father. They enjoyed their leisure time among friends with similar interests. Dad spent hard-earned money there, and the staff treated him with respect. It made him feel good. Now I get it. We belong to a community club. The bartender knows what I drink. The F & B Director makes sure we get a good table for dinner. We appreciate the service and the recognition we have as active members. (Dad, it does feel really good.)

ROUTINE IS COMFORTING:  We had a few cherished routines in our family, and if any of my siblings read this, they will remember. Saturday night was Burger Night at home. Dad would grill them and give Mom a break in the kitchen. Sunday Night we watched Disney and had popcorn, apple, and ginger ale for dinner. It was nice to know that we would be together on those evenings, sharing a tradition. Although routines have changed for Ron and me over time, with our moves, we value certain constants that add comfort to our lives. Part of our evening routine is that Ron tucks me into bed every night. Sweet.

THE MIDDLE-AGE BATTLE OF THE BULGE:  Once, when I was little, I said to my mother, “Mommy you would be so pretty if you would suck in your tummy.” It made her cry. I was shocked and upset at her reaction, because I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. If someone said that to me today, I would cry too. I’m still sorry, Mom.

REVEL IN YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS:  My parents were always proud of their children and their home. The night before my father died, he and Mom talked about what they accomplished together in their married life. Over the years, Ron and I have enjoyed (and continue to enjoy) the fruits of our efforts. It’s good to talk about them and reinforce their importance. They got us to the happy place we’re in today.

What I Believe

From 2004 to 2008, NPR aired a feature called "This I Believe" wherein they featured people reading essays about their guiding principles and core values. It was based on a 1950's radio show hosted by Edward R. Murrow. Today there is a not-for-profit foundation by the same name that encourages people to write, share, and discuss these essays as an inspiring educational tool for youth and adults. 

My blog is an unfocused, shotgun-style attempt to tell you about who I am, and what I believe. It seems daunting to attempt to put that so succinctly into a single brief essay. Here we go...

THIS I BELIEVE

I believe that it's important to work and sacrifice for the life you want. That means that you know what it's like to work two jobs at a time and scrabble from paycheck to paycheck, have a late model car that barely gets you to work, say no to buying things you desire, and live in a sub-par apartment without granite countertops and stainless steel appliances (gasp) that requires diligence in pest control. It's difficult to truly appreciate and be thankful for attaining a level of comfort in life unless you know in your heart that you have earned it.

I believe that life is not about the accumulation of stuff. Fancy cars, McMansions, runway fashions, pedigreed pets and the like are hollow ways to spend money and express ourselves. They tempt us to be self-satisfied in an unbecoming way. Our personal comfort, safety, and health bring us peace and are the foundation of our existence. We can be creative in achieving those things without going to excess.

I believe in honesty, friendship, loyalty, and in doing no harm. I believe in kindness and generosity. I believe that it's important to play and have fun. Life presents challenges and battles, and we must be strong to fight the fight when needed. Life also presents wonder and opportunity, and we should joyfully embrace chances to experience and savor what inspires us.

I believe that faith and religion take many forms, and that sects that would damn people for living a good life outside of boundaries interpreted by other mortals are more restrictive than a loving God condones.

I believe that life is best lived side-by-side with those we love; partners, family, friends, and pets. Appreciate what they add to your existence. When we are gone, we will be but dust. Our spirits live on - formless or formed in unknown ways. The life we have today is a precious gift, and we should live it well.