Now I Get It

Funny how as you age you begin to understand and appreciate your parents’ perspective on so many things that were lost on you as a youngster. I could take it as a depressing sign that I am getting to be a fuddy-duddy, but I prefer to look at it as hard-earned maturity and wisdom.

SO MANY READING GLASSES:  I don’t know how many pair of readers my dad owned, but they seemed to be everywhere. Now I understand that no matter how many pair you have, and how far and wide you strew them around the house – you can never put your hands on a pair when you need them. Dammit.

A LITTLE RESPECT IS NICE:  My parents belonged to a country club. Dad seemed to get an inordinate amount of pleasure from being greeted by name and called “Sir”. What I failed to appreciate at the time was that being a member of that club meant a lot to my parents – especially my father. They enjoyed their leisure time among friends with similar interests. Dad spent hard-earned money there, and the staff treated him with respect. It made him feel good. Now I get it. We belong to a community club. The bartender knows what I drink. The F & B Director makes sure we get a good table for dinner. We appreciate the service and the recognition we have as active members. (Dad, it does feel really good.)

ROUTINE IS COMFORTING:  We had a few cherished routines in our family, and if any of my siblings read this, they will remember. Saturday night was Burger Night at home. Dad would grill them and give Mom a break in the kitchen. Sunday Night we watched Disney and had popcorn, apple, and ginger ale for dinner. It was nice to know that we would be together on those evenings, sharing a tradition. Although routines have changed for Ron and me over time, with our moves, we value certain constants that add comfort to our lives. Part of our evening routine is that Ron tucks me into bed every night. Sweet.

THE MIDDLE-AGE BATTLE OF THE BULGE:  Once, when I was little, I said to my mother, “Mommy you would be so pretty if you would suck in your tummy.” It made her cry. I was shocked and upset at her reaction, because I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. If someone said that to me today, I would cry too. I’m still sorry, Mom.

REVEL IN YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS:  My parents were always proud of their children and their home. The night before my father died, he and Mom talked about what they accomplished together in their married life. Over the years, Ron and I have enjoyed (and continue to enjoy) the fruits of our efforts. It’s good to talk about them and reinforce their importance. They got us to the happy place we’re in today.

Age Advantage

Age is a number. Age is relative. At 57 years, I would be considered "old" by many young people. In this country, there is a shocking lack of respect for, or interest in, old people. (During the height of the recession, I actually had a person on LinkedIn suggest to me that I should "die off" and make my job available to someone younger!)

Age bias is based on ignorance and is usually easy to shrug off. The truth is that we have many advantages that have come from our life experience:

We are past any identity crisis we ever had.  We know who we are.
We don't care much what other people think, as long as we are doing what's right for us.
We are not impressed with status symbols. 
We are past worrying about looking silly.
We understand our physical limitations and are generally at peace with working within them.
We know the value of a good night's sleep and appreciate how well we feel upon awakening.
We have routines that give us comfort and keep our lives in balance.
We know who our friends are, and quietly avoid people that are bad for us.
We have the perspective to pick our battles.
We know when to ask for help.
We are more careful about what we eat and how it will affect how we look and feel.
We are realistic about our fading youth, but take care with our dress and beauty routines.
We have financial security and work within a budget.
We know the value of good health, and do what we need to do to preserve it.
We have a lot to share, and find pleasure in doing so.
We treasure our family and friends, and aren't shy about expressing our feelings.

This is a personal perspective. I know these things are not true for everyone in my age bracket, just as they are not NOT true for some young people. What I'm trying to say is that I don't feel "old". I am older, I am wiser, I am happier, and I am well and at peace with where I am in my life. I won't ask for anything more.