Ron and I arrived back at home in Prescott late yesterday afternoon. I’m suffering a little separation anxiety after spending so much time with Mom during her recovery from heart surgery. While in New Hampshire, there were several mornings where I felt a little vertigo – a sensation of whirling or tilting that affected my balance. It seemed to be caused by some sinus drainage settling in my ear, but I think it was exacerbated by my emotional condition.
What could have caused me to suffer what I am calling emotional vertigo?
- Gnawing concern and lingering fears about Mom’s progress after surgery
- Insidious beeps and shrieking alarms ever-present in the hospital and nursing home
- Grinding exhaustion from sleeping with one ear at alert for signs of distress
- A less than optimum diet, and fractured sleep
- Empathy for Mom’s frustration and discomfort
- Guilt that my ability to be there full-time would draw to a close
During the first night at home in our own bed, I still had issues… Waking to think I should walk down the hallway to check on Mom, and trying to recall the schedule for the next day – visiting nurse, therapist, and medical technician. What might tempt Mom’s appetite for lunch? Oh wait; I’m at home in Prescott.
Thank goodness that Althea and Jason are there to continue to help Mom through her healing and return to her cherished everyday life. I'll do what I can from a distance.
Me? I’m treating my emotional vertigo with doses of my own normalcy – long, deep breaths of our desert mountain air, gazes across the familiar landscape, dinner and conversation with friends last night, the comfort of our own bed, and plans to golf with the girls this afternoon.